Evil Overlord – 9/19/08

Sorry this is slightly late. It was written before yet postponed because of the best party ever!

This is a list of items I would destroy/ban if I were an evil overlord.

1. People who drive an expedition, suburban, etc. and complain about the price of gas. Drive a smaller car nitwit. Gas wouldn’t be so expensive if you didn’t have to use a barrell-ful to fill your car. If you want a place for all of your kids to sit, you should consider two options 1) a hysterectomy 2) a bus.
2. The select few who complain about the new facebook. It’s gone they’re not going to change it back, shut up.
3. Ted Stevens. This man typifies what most Americans think our politicians are doing.

Blog Business

New changes to the blog:

• Brother Taylor’s Intercourse advice will only be published every other monday.

Thank you,

The Management

Evil Overlord – 9/12/08

This is a list of items I would destroy/ban if I were an evil overlord.

1) Cute British girls who transfer out of classes before I have a chance to get to know them. This is incredibly distressing to me.

2) Cindy McCain, Let’s face it the first lady/gentleman candidates are historically known for little, aside from their selection of a Jimmy Choo, but Cindy McCain just scares the hell out of me. Not wild Teresa “Ketchup” Heinz scary, but a new type of scary. My friends and I have discussed her look, and it ranges from a 1950’s porn star to a praying mantis. I’m not sure what she is, animal, vegetable, mineral, or soul sucking vampiress. She just gives me the creeps.

3) Rehab in Socal. I must be out of the loop because it seems like rehab is new nightclub rather than a substance abuse program. Celebrities are spotted there all the time.

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Evil Overlord – 9/5/08

This is a list of items I would destroy/ban if I were an evil overlord.

1)    Major Political Conventions. Not only are the speakers one step away from yelling, “Kill the pig. Spill his blood.” But the news coverage takes away all primetime programming, thus, making it impossible for me to watch my stories.
2)    People who claim alternative fuels are the future, but do not bathe. I believe a severe national oil crisis could be avoided if you bathe.
3)    Make the Pussycat dolls use a lyricist. “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?” Yes, I wish my girlfriend lacked simple grammatical and spelling skills. Please make her language skills worse than a  Chihuahua’s.

Evil Overlord – 8/29/08

Once again this is my list of things i would do if I were an evil overlord:

1)  Ban any of the Lohan’s from doing anything ever. Lindsey, Dinah, Young Slut Mcskank Ho, and Bam Bam all have to go. I’m am completely disgusted with this family. Orange Oprah included. Let’s face it, at least the Osmonds have good teeth.

2) Disband Cirque de Soleil. This chernobyl-like production alerts us to the cataclysmic consequences that are produceced when French Canadians, spandex, and too much artistic liberty are combined.

3) Revamp Utah Politics. If the United States were to loose one party, we would be China. One party for all. In Utah, we’ve already done that. The Republican Party for all. Could we have just a little opposition. You can still take the sacrament and vote democrat once in a while.

Evil Overlord – 8/22/08

Once again this is my list of things i would do if I were an evil overlord:

1) I would make every politician write a list of things they did bad, and how they can improve of them. They would then mail this list to their citizens. Let’s face it politicians are overgrown toddlers.

2) I would categorize certain skimpy garments as “ho clothes” and ban them from being in extra large sizes. There is a point where it becomes unattractive, it is called obesity.

3) There is a strong “fesces” smell when passing through American Fork, Utah. I would ban this smell from existing.

Alaskan Hiatus

There was no blog activity this last week due to my trip to Alaska, expect the Evil Overlord to appear on Friday. Sorry for the wait.

Evil Overlord – 8/2/08

August or as they say in espanol augusto has arrived and summer is official two thirds over. Thus school will be starting shortly, so with school imminent doom upon us I thought it would be good to make this a special edition of Evil Overlord concerning school.

1) I would require uniforms with my face in starburst to be worn. It doesn’t matter what the clothing is, just that my face is one it. Vanity is a part of my campaign platform

2) I would take all the “crocs” in the world and throw them into a volcano. No one should wear them. They might be comfortable, but let’s remember the mullet can also be considered comfortable. [I realize that this doesn't really have anything to do with school, but I just really hate crocs.]

3) I would order all teachers who sleep with their students, to quit being so desperate. Seriously, if you have to sink to a fifteen year old boy who doesn’t shower, you have problems.

Evil Overlord – 7/28/08

If I were an evil overlord this week here are three things I would do:

1) Kill the Osmonds. Why are they on still on television? It’s the teeth or date rape drugs. One or the other.

2) Ban Soft Rock. This genre is quite the quandry. To think that something as rebelious and free spirited as rock can be mutated and synthesized into predictable lyrics about love. Why don’t they try spicing things up a bit. Instead of rhyming baby with baby a thousand times, maybe they should rhyme baby with gravy. Yes talk about love gravy. Gross.

3) I would have a shoot to kill order on anyone who uses the words, “No offense.” Before they say something really offensive. I’ve never understand what these two words do. I’m still offended. For example, if you say “no offense, but your BO is so bad it smells like feces.” chances are I will be offended, even if you do say no offense.

Failed Twice

So I’ve decided to change up the schedule a bit. No longer will stories be posted on Friday, but rather Monday, so expect a story later today. As a result Evil Overlord will be moved to Friday. The reason for this is I am lazy and don’t have time to shoot out a whole story on Friday. Voila the new sched.