Evil Overlord

This is a list of stuff that I would kill/destroy if I were an evil overlord.

1) When you are getting a drink and someone says, “Save some for the whales.” This not only implies that you are being a big fat pig, but also that you are drinking so much water that you will drain the oceans. It makes me feel like a fat ass. On the contrary, I love saying it to other people.

2) Girls with the following names: Brittani, Kelli, Tiffani, and Sindy with an S. I’ve encountered all of these names in my career, and automatically judge the girls with these names as bimbos.

3) I’ve  said this before, but people who call me bud who are neither a grandparent nor over the age of 60. I might look like a preteen, but don’t refer to me as one, bitch. (Ha, I added that bitch part in just for laughs)

Evil Overlord – 3/18/09

This is a list of stuff that I would kill/destroy if I were an evil overlord.

1) Guys who dress like a reject Jonas Brother on meth. I saw you walking around the Energy Solution Arena last night you know who you are. Stop it.

2) Twitter. I don’t care what your doing right now. If I did I would look on Facebook.

3) Lady Gaga’s occasional tranny/ occasional hot girl look. I don’t know what you are. You are confusing me. I like hot girls, but trannies scare me slightly. Why must you confuse me?

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Evil Overlord – Holiday Edition

This is a list of Christmas stuff that I would kill/destroy if I were an evil overlord.

1) Terry’s Chocolate company, the inventors of the chocolate orange. Thank you for not only ruining chocolate, but also several innocent oranges. Another reason to hate the English.

2) Dillards perfume desk ladies who yell at you when you ask about a price. You are in the service industry. Learn how to serve, skank.

3) So this one isn’t Noel related, but I really hate it. People who lick their finger before they turn the page. I don’t care if you can grab the page better. It’s gross.

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Rejoice! Evil Overlord is BACK!!!!

This is a list of stuff that I would kill/destroy if I were an evil overlord.

1) The pungent aroma of Deseret Industries, The Salvation Army, or other second hand stores. I’m pretty sure people didn’t     defecate in their clothes and give them to you without washing them. Why in Heaven’s name does your store smell like that?

2) Any press or media coverage on Madonna. Unless it’s about the actual Virgin Mary, I don’t want to hear about it.

3) Women who help the troops by making a “sexy” calendar or a porno. Chances are the troop’s wives/girlfriends don’t consider that support.

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Evil Overlord-10/3/08

What I would obliterate if I was an evil overlord.

1. People who wear bluetooth headsets as jewelry. Take it off, you slutty whore.
2. The following phrase in the annual BYU police report: “Rape: The carnal knowledge (sexual intercourse) of a person against her or his will.” I guess trying to prove to the rest of the world that BYU isn’t an amish university is out of the question.
3. Spam emails for boob jobs. First, I am not a woman therefore I have no desire for a boob job, and even if I was a woman and wanted a boob job, I doubt I would book with a doctor who contacted me through spam.

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Evil Overlord – 9/29/09

Things I would obliterate/pee on if I were an Evil Overlord

1) Women who carry both a purse and a backpack. Why both? You could put your purse inside your backpack rather than looking like a pack mule.

2) People who post late on their blogs. Enough said.

3) People who orgasm raise their hand in classes. You know oh ah slurp choose me.

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Click here to tell usThis is a little late sorry.

Evil Overlord – 9/19/08

Sorry this is slightly late. It was written before yet postponed because of the best party ever!

This is a list of items I would destroy/ban if I were an evil overlord.

1. People who drive an expedition, suburban, etc. and complain about the price of gas. Drive a smaller car nitwit. Gas wouldn’t be so expensive if you didn’t have to use a barrell-ful to fill your car. If you want a place for all of your kids to sit, you should consider two options 1) a hysterectomy 2) a bus.
2. The select few who complain about the new facebook. It’s gone they’re not going to change it back, shut up.
3. Ted Stevens. This man typifies what most Americans think our politicians are doing.

Evil Overlord – 9/12/08

This is a list of items I would destroy/ban if I were an evil overlord.

1) Cute British girls who transfer out of classes before I have a chance to get to know them. This is incredibly distressing to me.

2) Cindy McCain, Let’s face it the first lady/gentleman candidates are historically known for little, aside from their selection of a Jimmy Choo, but Cindy McCain just scares the hell out of me. Not wild Teresa “Ketchup” Heinz scary, but a new type of scary. My friends and I have discussed her look, and it ranges from a 1950’s porn star to a praying mantis. I’m not sure what she is, animal, vegetable, mineral, or soul sucking vampiress. She just gives me the creeps.

3) Rehab in Socal. I must be out of the loop because it seems like rehab is new nightclub rather than a substance abuse program. Celebrities are spotted there all the time.

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Evil Overlord – 9/5/08

This is a list of items I would destroy/ban if I were an evil overlord.

1)    Major Political Conventions. Not only are the speakers one step away from yelling, “Kill the pig. Spill his blood.” But the news coverage takes away all primetime programming, thus, making it impossible for me to watch my stories.
2)    People who claim alternative fuels are the future, but do not bathe. I believe a severe national oil crisis could be avoided if you bathe.
3)    Make the Pussycat dolls use a lyricist. “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?” Yes, I wish my girlfriend lacked simple grammatical and spelling skills. Please make her language skills worse than a  Chihuahua’s.

Evil Overlord – 8/29/08

Once again this is my list of things i would do if I were an evil overlord:

1)  Ban any of the Lohan’s from doing anything ever. Lindsey, Dinah, Young Slut Mcskank Ho, and Bam Bam all have to go. I’m am completely disgusted with this family. Orange Oprah included. Let’s face it, at least the Osmonds have good teeth.

2) Disband Cirque de Soleil. This chernobyl-like production alerts us to the cataclysmic consequences that are produceced when French Canadians, spandex, and too much artistic liberty are combined.

3) Revamp Utah Politics. If the United States were to loose one party, we would be China. One party for all. In Utah, we’ve already done that. The Republican Party for all. Could we have just a little opposition. You can still take the sacrament and vote democrat once in a while.