Evil Overlord – 7/28/08

If I were an evil overlord this week here are three things I would do:

1) Kill the Osmonds. Why are they on still on television? It’s the teeth or date rape drugs. One or the other.

2) Ban Soft Rock. This genre is quite the quandry. To think that something as rebelious and free spirited as rock can be mutated and synthesized into predictable lyrics about love. Why don’t they try spicing things up a bit. Instead of rhyming baby with baby a thousand times, maybe they should rhyme baby with gravy. Yes talk about love gravy. Gross.

3) I would have a shoot to kill order on anyone who uses the words, “No offense.” Before they say something really offensive. I’ve never understand what these two words do. I’m still offended. For example, if you say “no offense, but your BO is so bad it smells like feces.” chances are I will be offended, even if you do say no offense.

Failed Twice

So I’ve decided to change up the schedule a bit. No longer will stories be posted on Friday, but rather Monday, so expect a story later today. As a result Evil Overlord will be moved to Friday. The reason for this is I am lazy and don’t have time to shoot out a whole story on Friday. Voila the new sched.

Evil Overlord – The Beginning

I’m adding a new post to my blog, that is called if I were an evil overlord… I’m probably going to post this every Monday with three new additions each week. These are of course things that I would do if I were an evil overlord. So here are my first three:

1) Make soccer moms take a mandatory seven week “Stop b****ing at me” course.

2) Replace Celine Dion’s vocal chords with a kazoo. Not only will this be an improvement, but can you imagine my heart will go on sung threw a kazoo like voice. Hilarious.

3) Require all men’s pants to say “Diva” and “Princess” in rhinestones across their buttocks. I figured that this will finally kill the trend. Wouldn’t you like to see Donald Trump’s butt covered in sequins that say slut.

If you have things that you would like to do if you were an evil overlord email them to me at mmasonblog@gmail.com

Friday Short Story = Late

Friday’s short story will be posted later today. Sorry for the delay, it was due mostly to dark knight related fatigue.

Ha Ha: Russian Ravers

The sadistic nature got the best of me when I read that about 12 people attending a Russian rave had their retinas burned out by the lazer display, and laughed. It’s just somewhat ironic that it wasn’t ecstasy or some GHB that caused serious physical damage. It was the lazers. I just hope they don’t have emotional baggage come to the surface everytime they listen to soem trance. Link to the story

The Swiss = Pacifists and Rascists?

I read an interesting article today about how our good friends the swiss, home of milkmaids and various meaty cheeses are passing legislation that refuses to let mosques have minarets. What’s next Catholic cathedrals without crosses. The article mentioned that it could be construed as limiting religious freedom, I personally think that it is limiting religious freedom and expression. Minarets are gorgeous and I for one don’t understand why you wouldn’t want one in your neighborhood. They also help you keep time with the periodic prayers.