Evil Overlord – 3/18/09

This is a list of stuff that I would kill/destroy if I were an evil overlord.

1) Guys who dress like a reject Jonas Brother on meth. I saw you walking around the Energy Solution Arena last night you know who you are. Stop it.

2) Twitter. I don’t care what your doing right now. If I did I would look on Facebook.

3) Lady Gaga’s occasional tranny/ occasional hot girl look. I don’t know what you are. You are confusing me. I like hot girls, but trannies scare me slightly. Why must you confuse me?

What would you do if you were an evil overlord?
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Why are you reading this blog?

Seriously, I neglect this blog like I neglect my body.  But after much neglect, I’ve decided to actually blog again. We’ll see how long this goes. I’ve also added a new page. The Douche Down! Where I count down the months favorite d-bags. We’ll see if Bro. Taylor make his normal quarterly appearance as well. And to reward you for checking my blog I will reward you with a brand new evil overlord.

The Famine of January

I didn’t blog in Jan, and it was interesting. I’ve decided that today I would like to impart to you, some of my opinions about different ongoings in the world, rather than evil overlord. Let us begin.

• The most depressing part of Charlotte’s Web is when you realize that Wilbur will not become a ham sandwich by the end of the book.
• The most depressing part of Tropic Thunder is when you realize that Tom Cruise is throughout the entire movie.
• The most depressing part of being a writer is when you realize that most great writers had at least one STD. The favorite was/is syphilis. Ask Toni Morrison.

Evil Overlord – Holiday Edition

This is a list of Christmas stuff that I would kill/destroy if I were an evil overlord.

1) Terry’s Chocolate company, the inventors of the chocolate orange. Thank you for not only ruining chocolate, but also several innocent oranges. Another reason to hate the English.

2) Dillards perfume desk ladies who yell at you when you ask about a price. You are in the service industry. Learn how to serve, skank.

3) So this one isn’t Noel related, but I really hate it. People who lick their finger before they turn the page. I don’t care if you can grab the page better. It’s gross.

What would you do if you were an evil overlord?
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Brother Taylor’s Intercourse Advice – 12/5/08

Brother Taylor is a single virginal zoobie from Provo, Utah. He delights in many things such as kittens, heterosexual rainbows, celibacy before marriage, and unplanned pregnancy during. Brother Taylor decided to guest column on M. Mason’s blog after learning that the stork is dead. It was killed in the Challenger Explosion of 1986. Why did that stupid bird have to go into space?

Dear Brother Taylor

What is foreplay? I always assumed it has something to do with golf, but recently people have told me otherwise.  Please clear this up for me.

Confused in Coalville

Dear Confused,

One thing you need to understand is that the world is filled with sexually promiscuous perverts. If you have a question, feel free to consult the Bible or a local religious leader, rather than these heathens you speak of. A Roman Catholic priest or nun would be an excellent choice as they will know the most about sex, and of course I am always free to talk about post-marital non-anal sex.   For this question, I had to turn to one of my friends, and she informed me that most men don’t know what foreplay is either. So you are definitely not alone. My friend, however felt very uncomfortable talking about copulation and so I decided  to consult my local adult novelty store. (Sidenote: I was conveniently protesting its removal this week. That’s why I was there.) As I talked to people outside the store many were embarassed, but I did manage to peep into an especially perverse man’s bag. Apparently foreplay is slightly related to golf. It’s a sex jelly that has a putting green scent. I’m assuming it’s used to put cattle into heat or something. I really don’t know what it’s use would be, aside from seducing Arnold Palmer. What ever it be, people who use foreplay are filthy, gross sodomites. I hope I clarified things for you.

God Bless,

Brother Taylor

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THE RETURN

After almost two months of no posts, I am pleased to announce that I, MMason, have to decided to write again. I’m sorry that it took so long, but Accounting was kicking my butt. I’ll try to post at least once a week. And of course, to the delight of most, I’ve convinced Brother Taylor to once again start writing. As for right now check out the newest Evil Overlord found below.

Blogfully Yours,

MMason

Rejoice! Evil Overlord is BACK!!!!

This is a list of stuff that I would kill/destroy if I were an evil overlord.

1) The pungent aroma of Deseret Industries, The Salvation Army, or other second hand stores. I’m pretty sure people didn’t     defecate in their clothes and give them to you without washing them. Why in Heaven’s name does your store smell like that?

2) Any press or media coverage on Madonna. Unless it’s about the actual Virgin Mary, I don’t want to hear about it.

3) Women who help the troops by making a “sexy” calendar or a porno. Chances are the troop’s wives/girlfriends don’t consider that support.

What would you do if you were an evil overlord?
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Evil Overlord-10/3/08

What I would obliterate if I was an evil overlord.

1. People who wear bluetooth headsets as jewelry. Take it off, you slutty whore.
2. The following phrase in the annual BYU police report: “Rape: The carnal knowledge (sexual intercourse) of a person against her or his will.” I guess trying to prove to the rest of the world that BYU isn’t an amish university is out of the question.
3. Spam emails for boob jobs. First, I am not a woman therefore I have no desire for a boob job, and even if I was a woman and wanted a boob job, I doubt I would book with a doctor who contacted me through spam.

What would you do if you were an evil overlord?
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Evil Overlord – 9/29/09

Things I would obliterate/pee on if I were an Evil Overlord

1) Women who carry both a purse and a backpack. Why both? You could put your purse inside your backpack rather than looking like a pack mule.

2) People who post late on their blogs. Enough said.

3) People who orgasm raise their hand in classes. You know oh ah slurp choose me.

What would you do if you were an evil overlord?
Click here to tell usThis is a little late sorry.

Evil Overlord – 9/19/08

Sorry this is slightly late. It was written before yet postponed because of the best party ever!

This is a list of items I would destroy/ban if I were an evil overlord.

1. People who drive an expedition, suburban, etc. and complain about the price of gas. Drive a smaller car nitwit. Gas wouldn’t be so expensive if you didn’t have to use a barrell-ful to fill your car. If you want a place for all of your kids to sit, you should consider two options 1) a hysterectomy 2) a bus.
2. The select few who complain about the new facebook. It’s gone they’re not going to change it back, shut up.
3. Ted Stevens. This man typifies what most Americans think our politicians are doing.