Evil Overlord

A simple list of things I would obliterate if I were the overlord of all.

1. The Keebler Elves. I would really like to know what crack addict came up with this marketing scheme. Seriously?! I imagine that meeting went something like this.

Executive: How do we make our brand different from others?

Toadie: I think a new aggressive strategy emphasizing the quality of our brand would be a good idea.

Toadie2: I likewise feel that if we conduct market research and conduct a simple SWAT analysis our brand would be stellar.

Executive: What if we say our cookies are made by magical elves in a tree.

(Slight Pause)

Toadie & Toadie 2: That’s brillant.

2. People who refer to the French as Frenchies. You are a dumb ass go back to WWII.

3. Those who preface a comment with “I’m a big history buff.” and then proceed to say something historically inaccurate. For example: I’m a big history buff, and therefore watch Mad Men. I love how it is set in the 40’s. Hmm. Last time I checked Mad Men was set in the late 50’s early 60’s and also there was a little event called world war two that happen during the 40’s. Are you sure you’re a history buff?

 

Evil Overlord

This is a list of stuff that I would kill/destroy if I were an evil overlord.

1) When you are getting a drink and someone says, “Save some for the whales.” This not only implies that you are being a big fat pig, but also that you are drinking so much water that you will drain the oceans. It makes me feel like a fat ass. On the contrary, I love saying it to other people.

2) Girls with the following names: Brittani, Kelli, Tiffani, and Sindy with an S. I’ve encountered all of these names in my career, and automatically judge the girls with these names as bimbos.

3) I’ve  said this before, but people who call me bud who are neither a grandparent nor over the age of 60. I might look like a preteen, but don’t refer to me as one, bitch. (Ha, I added that bitch part in just for laughs)

Evil Overlord – 3/18/09

This is a list of stuff that I would kill/destroy if I were an evil overlord.

1) Guys who dress like a reject Jonas Brother on meth. I saw you walking around the Energy Solution Arena last night you know who you are. Stop it.

2) Twitter. I don’t care what your doing right now. If I did I would look on Facebook.

3) Lady Gaga’s occasional tranny/ occasional hot girl look. I don’t know what you are. You are confusing me. I like hot girls, but trannies scare me slightly. Why must you confuse me?

What would you do if you were an evil overlord?
Click here to tell us

Why are you reading this blog?

Seriously, I neglect this blog like I neglect my body.  But after much neglect, I’ve decided to actually blog again. We’ll see how long this goes. I’ve also added a new page. The Douche Down! Where I count down the months favorite d-bags. We’ll see if Bro. Taylor make his normal quarterly appearance as well. And to reward you for checking my blog I will reward you with a brand new evil overlord.

The Famine of January

I didn’t blog in Jan, and it was interesting. I’ve decided that today I would like to impart to you, some of my opinions about different ongoings in the world, rather than evil overlord. Let us begin.

• The most depressing part of Charlotte’s Web is when you realize that Wilbur will not become a ham sandwich by the end of the book.
• The most depressing part of Tropic Thunder is when you realize that Tom Cruise is throughout the entire movie.
• The most depressing part of being a writer is when you realize that most great writers had at least one STD. The favorite was/is syphilis. Ask Toni Morrison.

Evil Overlord – Holiday Edition

This is a list of Christmas stuff that I would kill/destroy if I were an evil overlord.

1) Terry’s Chocolate company, the inventors of the chocolate orange. Thank you for not only ruining chocolate, but also several innocent oranges. Another reason to hate the English.

2) Dillards perfume desk ladies who yell at you when you ask about a price. You are in the service industry. Learn how to serve, skank.

3) So this one isn’t Noel related, but I really hate it. People who lick their finger before they turn the page. I don’t care if you can grab the page better. It’s gross.

What would you do if you were an evil overlord?
Click here to tell us

THE RETURN

After almost two months of no posts, I am pleased to announce that I, MMason, have to decided to write again. I’m sorry that it took so long, but Accounting was kicking my butt. I’ll try to post at least once a week. And of course, to the delight of most, I’ve convinced Brother Taylor to once again start writing. As for right now check out the newest Evil Overlord found below.

Blogfully Yours,

MMason

Rejoice! Evil Overlord is BACK!!!!

This is a list of stuff that I would kill/destroy if I were an evil overlord.

1) The pungent aroma of Deseret Industries, The Salvation Army, or other second hand stores. I’m pretty sure people didn’t     defecate in their clothes and give them to you without washing them. Why in Heaven’s name does your store smell like that?

2) Any press or media coverage on Madonna. Unless it’s about the actual Virgin Mary, I don’t want to hear about it.

3) Women who help the troops by making a “sexy” calendar or a porno. Chances are the troop’s wives/girlfriends don’t consider that support.

What would you do if you were an evil overlord?
Click here to tell us

Evil Overlord-10/3/08

What I would obliterate if I was an evil overlord.

1. People who wear bluetooth headsets as jewelry. Take it off, you slutty whore.
2. The following phrase in the annual BYU police report: “Rape: The carnal knowledge (sexual intercourse) of a person against her or his will.” I guess trying to prove to the rest of the world that BYU isn’t an amish university is out of the question.
3. Spam emails for boob jobs. First, I am not a woman therefore I have no desire for a boob job, and even if I was a woman and wanted a boob job, I doubt I would book with a doctor who contacted me through spam.

What would you do if you were an evil overlord?
Click here to tell us

Evil Overlord – 9/29/09

Things I would obliterate/pee on if I were an Evil Overlord

1) Women who carry both a purse and a backpack. Why both? You could put your purse inside your backpack rather than looking like a pack mule.

2) People who post late on their blogs. Enough said.

3) People who orgasm raise their hand in classes. You know oh ah slurp choose me.

What would you do if you were an evil overlord?
Click here to tell usThis is a little late sorry.